Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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