Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
