It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
