I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
