it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
