Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
