when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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