I just cut my nipple shaving
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
