I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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