i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
