And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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