oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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