I will die if light touches me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
