All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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