I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
