Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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