Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you will always have a special place in my vag
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
