none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
