Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
