I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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