I am puke
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
