were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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