walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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