I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
