I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
