I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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