when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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