he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
