: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I AM VODKA MAN
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
