It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
