You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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