it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
