Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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