i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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