you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
