Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
