Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
