Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
