They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
