Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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