drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
