the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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