I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
