she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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