HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
