EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
