So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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