I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it glows. i had to have it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
