A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
