I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
