Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
